As if it’s not bad enough that I’m one of the only dads who volunteers at my kids school (and as such must be pegged as some out of work sitcom writer to those who don’t know what I actually do for a living), my beloved kindergartener, Joss, came home with this completed worksheet on Friday.
The assignment is called “Safety Math” and asks the children to look at five sets of pictures and “X” out those objects which are safety hazards to the average five year old.
Some are self-explanatory: the light socket, lit candle, and sizzling BBQ are all dangers to be sure. But what’s that next to the book of matches (and is the danger there the actual matches or the potential social diseases of the cocktail waitress who wrote her number on the inside flap)? A jug labeled, “Wine.”
This too has some subjectiveness to it. Is the assignment saying that jug wine is something that could, in the words of the handout, “harm you” or is it the alcohol itself?
I ask only in jest because obviously we know that jug wine is bad for you, offering up nothing in the way of upfront fruit but compensating with a dull headache the day after drinking it.
This whole assignment got me thinking about my place in the educational system being a member of the alcohol industry. On one level, we donate a lot of wine each year to various school auctions throughout the country on behalf of our customer base, which is a true win-win because wine is always a popular thing to bid on, while also giving us some exposure to the wine buying public. And yet, if it came down to buying an ad in the school newsletter, say offering up a discount to my fellow parents who lets be honest, probably need wine more than anyone I know, I’m pretty confident the ad revenue would be turned away.
That’s okay. I’ve made lots of good friends as a result of answering the simple question, “What do you do?” and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Better still, when I asked my son if he said anything to the teacher regarding the wine, hoping he’d defend his dad and his profession, he replied, “I told her wine isn’t dangerous, I love wine.”
And I love him…
I can relate. Last year I went to my son’s 5th grade D.A.R.E. awards ceremony where kids read their essays.
Everyone of them went the same way:
“Alcohol is bad for your health it damages your brain, your liver, etc. I promise to never drink alcohol.”
I’d like to see these kids when they are in high school.
But red wine does have proven health benefits!
Just got turned on to you through Tom Wark’s blog. Great stuff ya got going. Seems like our kids are on the same wavelength. http://bit.ly/28Ful0
Cheers!
Thanks, Patrick! Now I just have to come up with more material for the intersections of my dual identities. Looking forward to reading your stuff too…
Pull your child from school before it’s too late!
A few years ago my daughter came home from pre-school with a similar ‘cross out the bad and circle the good’ anti-drug exercise. Not surprisingly given my various wine jobs she had circled the wine bottle along with the juice box and the apple.
I noticed, however, that she also circled what was supposed to be a beer can. I don’t generally drink beer out of cans and the drawing was so simple that it didn’t even appear to have a top to the can. It could have been anything cylindrical. I asked her: “what’s this one”? She replied confidently, “gin ‘n tonic.”
Good luck with the wine and parenting.
Kids say the darndest things, huh? Thanks for sharing!
Love your blog, just ran across it in one of Tom’s post. http://fermentation.typepad.com/fermentation/2008/10/whine-kids.html and thought you would enjoy seeing another comrade in action with his kids.
Check this one out. http://winey.wordpress.com/2008/10/24/punch-downs/
Not just that I bring my kids up to think wine is good, they are involved, by thier own choosing, in our wine making operations. If the MAN ever comes knocking, I’ll tell them it is my religious right and I am sure they will leave me alone they way thing are going here lately.